Dumb Money: Featuring Padre’s Picks

Posted: November 8, 2011 by Kodi in Dumb Money, NFL

Exactly one week after God created NFL Football, Vegas created The Spread. One week after that, an unknown sports editor for an unnamed paper created the position of Staff NFL Expert, and we’ve been suffering ever since.

If there’s one thing we don’t want to hear about, it’s a fool parlaying their 3 1/2 seasons of employment with the Cleveland Browns into catchphrase-laden predictions for a cheap buck. And the reason why we don’t want to hear it is because our cranky uncle was right when he muttered under his breath that they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. (Although, it should be of interest that the first cranky uncle griped exactly one week after the newspaper hired their first Staff NFL Expert.)

The truth is that the best of the best NFL Experts hit a 60% hit ratio. For the record: You, me, and your cranky uncle can pick the winner 60% of the time by doing little more than throwing darts at a board. And we at The Dumb Money are here to prove it: Enter your picks, beat The Dumb Money, and win a prize! To Enter Either Comment below or

Submit Your Picks at the Sport’n A Mic Facebook Page:http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sportn-A-Mic/166596243415079

 

Don’t know anything about picking football? Neither do we. Same goes for The Experts… Good luck!

The following is broken down by: Date & Time, Favorite, Spread, Underdog, Padre Says:

11/10 8:20 ET At San Diego -7 Oakland Division games are supposed to be tight. So is the Raiders defense. However, the Raiders are without either a running back (McFadden) or a QB (Palmer), and this spread is looser than a prom night rubber. CHARGERS

11/13 1:00 ET Pittsburgh -3 At Cincinnati This game is a fantasy football freak’s nightmare. The “-3” isn’t the spread; it’s the total over/under. Maybe they’ll let the Ravens come and play special teams just to suck out any possibility of scoring… What the hell, CINCINNATI

11/13 1:00 ET At Kansas City -3 Denver Proving that nobody knows a goddamned thing about football, this week a road-bound Tebow is good enough to take on Chiefs. Until he passes for 38 yards and 3 ints. Then Vegas will slap him to the back of the bus until he scores six times the following week. No matter- John Elway will be caught cutting Tebow’s brake lines before Christmas. CHIEFS

11/13 1:00 ET Jacksonville -3 At Indianapolis In other news, the Los Angeles Temptation is taking on the Las Vegas Sin this weekend in the Lingerie Football League. Either way, the ol’ Jag Off will be the way to go… JAGUARS

11/13 1:00 ET At Dallas -5.5 Buffalo The Cowboys are favored at home against the Bills. We at The Dumb Money aren’t sure if that’s because the Bills don’t have pole dancers at the stadium and Jerry Jones does, or because Tony Romo simply looks sublime in tight pants. BILLS

11/13 1:00 ET Houston -3 At Tampa Bay Josh Freeman is in a slump and probably feels a little bad about that. Nothing brings a little sunshine into a sad heart like wearing a creamcicle orange uniform with a stage extra from the Villiage People on the helmet. However, Andre Johnson is fixing to play, so expect Head Coach Raheem Morris to hand out samples of No More Tears Baby Shampoo following the game. TEXANS

11/13 1:00 ET At Carolina -3 Tennessee Titans RB Chris Johnson wants the ball and take the running game to a new level. Carolina QB Cam Newton takes entire ball games and plays with opposing defenses like silly putty. Keep your hands at home you naughty boy! CAROLINA

11/13 1:00 ET At Miami -3.5 Washington Although this game is brought to you by 5 Hour Energy, we at The Dumb Money recommend Gillette Razors and Silly Straws to pull you through this Clash of Teams John Beck Has Driven Into The Ground. DOLPHINS

11/13 1:00 ET At Atlanta  PK New Orleans Atlanta QB Matt Ryan has taken a wait-and-see approach to throwing multiple touchdowns to Roddy White. The Saints accidentally sobered up in St Louis and lost the game as a result. Word on the street is both teams are going to try really hard to win, but that’s just loose talk. FALCONS

11/13 4:15 ET At Chicago -2.5 Detroit O-Line coach Mike Tice got the Bears in touch with their running game, which is nice. In fact, Tice touched plenty of folks when he was coaching the Vikes: He touched me for twenty dollars and Kodi Nottingham for thirty. BEARS

11/13 1:00 ET At Cleveland -3 St. Louis If St Louis loses, they have to move back to Los Angeles. If the Browns lose, they have to stay in Cleveland. CLEVELAND

11/13 1:00 ET At Philadelphia -14 Arizona Joining McNabb as Philly QBs Not Doing Much Winning, Vick is on a roll as he was recently voted Most Hated Athlete… again. Meanwhile, Kolb is doubtful to play, yet probable to suck if he does. EAGLES

11/13 4:05 ET Baltimore -7 At Seattle There must be something to the Fly West Jet Lag Curse if the Ravens are only favored by seven points. It’s not like Seattle won a playoff game at home last year… What? They did? No shit! RAVENS

11/13 4:15 ET At San Francisco -3.5 NY Giants Match-Up of Former First Overall Picks: Although Archie Manning told Eli not to play on the West Coast, Eli is gonna strike out and do it anyways, because dammit Daddy- I just gotta be Me! Meanwhile, Alex Smith can’t help but wonder how his life would be different if he fell 22 spots to the Packers… GIANTS

11/13 8:30 ET At NY Jets -1.5 New England Burress shot himself in the leg with a gun and Rex Ryan shot his wife at his feet on youtube. Either way, the results were quite regrettable and at least a little bit gross. Sounds good enough to award The Dumb Money Shot of the Week: JETS

Monday Night Football Point Spread 11/14 8:35 ET At Green Bay -13.5 Minnesota Word out of Wisconsin is that Jesus ordered a basket of cheese curds and found one that looks exactly like Aaron Rodgers. Unfortunately for true-believers state wide, Kodi Nottingham ate it after dipping it in a shot glass of paint thinner… VIKINGS

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Comments
  1. padrewu says:

    COPY AND PASTE FOR YOUR PICKS!

    At San Diego -7 Oakland YOUR PICK:
    Pittsburgh -3 At Cincinnati YOUR PICK:
    At Kansas City -3 Denver YOUR PICK:
    Jacksonville -3 At Indianapolis YOUR PICK:
    At Dallas -5.5 Buffalo YOUR PICK:
    Houston -3 At Tampa Bay YOUR PICK:
    At Carolina -3 Tennessee YOUR PICK:
    At Miami -3.5 Washington YOUR PICK:
    At Atlanta   Pick New Orleans YOUR PICK:
    At Chicago -2.5 Detroit YOUR PICK:
    At Cleveland -3 St. Louis YOUR PICK:
    At Philly -14 Arizona YOUR PICK:
    Baltimore -7 At Seattle YOUR PICK:
    At San Fran -3.5 NY Giants YOUR PICK:
    At NY Jets -1.5 New England YOUR PICK:
    At Green Bay -13.5 Minnesota YOUR PICK:

    • padrewu says:

      Nick Campion
      At San Diego -7 Oakland YOUR PICK: Chargers
      Pittsburgh -3 At Cincinnati YOUR PICK: Steelers
      At Kansas City -3 Denver YOUR PICK: Broncos
      Jacksonville -3 At Indianapolis YOUR PICK: Jaguars
      At Dallas -5.5 Buffalo YOUR PICK: Cowboys
      Houston -3 At Tampa Bay YOUR PICK: Texans
      At Carolina -3 Tennessee YOUR PICK: Panthers
      At Miami -3.5 Washington YOUR PICK: Redskins
      At Atlanta Pick New Orleans YOUR PICK: Saints
      At Chicago -2.5 Detroit YOUR PICK: Lions
      At Cleveland -3 St. Louis YOUR PICK: Rams
      At Philly -14 Arizona YOUR PICK: Eagles
      Baltimore -7 At Seattle YOUR PICK: Ravens
      At San Fran -3.5 NY Giants YOUR PICK: Giants
      At NY Jets -1.5 New England YOUR PICK: Patriots
      At Green Bay -13.5 Minnesota YOUR PICK: Vikings

  2. Kodi says:

    At San Diego -7 Oakland YOUR PICK: San Diego
    Pittsburgh -3 At Cincinnati YOUR PICK: Pittsburgh
    At Kansas City -3 Denver YOUR PICK: Kansas City
    Jacksonville -3 At Indianapolis YOUR PICK: Jacksonville
    At Dallas -5.5 Buffalo YOUR PICK: Buffalo
    Houston -3 At Tampa Bay YOUR PICK: Houston
    At Carolina -3 Tennessee YOUR PICK: Carolina
    At Miami -3.5 Washington YOUR PICK: Washington
    At Atlanta Pick New Orleans YOUR PICK: New Orleans
    At Chicago -2.5 Detroit YOUR PICK: Detroit
    At Cleveland -3 St. Louis YOUR PICK: St. Louis
    At Philly -14 Arizona YOUR PICK: Philadelphia
    Baltimore -7 At Seattle YOUR PICK: Baltimore
    At San Fran -3.5 NY Giants YOUR PICK: San Fran
    At NY Jets -1.5 New England YOUR PICK: New York Jets
    At Green Bay -13.5 Minnesota YOUR PICK: Green Bay

  3. Brian Reimer says:

    At San Diego -7 Oakland YOUR PICK: OAKLAND
    Pittsburgh -3 At Cincinnati YOUR PICK: CICINNATI
    At Kansas City -3 Denver YOUR PICK: KANSAS CITY
    Jacksonville -3 At Indianapolis YOUR PICK: JACKSONVILLE
    At Dallas -5.5 Buffalo YOUR PICK: DALLAS
    Houston -3 At Tampa Bay YOUR PICK: HOUSTON
    At Carolina -3 Tennessee YOUR PICK: TENNESSEE
    At Miami -3.5 Washington YOUR PICK: MIAMI
    At Atlanta Pick New Orleans YOUR PICK: ATLANTA
    At Chicago -2.5 Detroit YOUR PICK: CHICAGO
    At Cleveland -3 St. Louis YOUR PICK: ST. LOUIS
    At Philly -14 Arizona YOUR PICK: PHILADELPHIA
    Baltimore -7 At Seattle YOUR PICK: BALTIMORE
    At San Fran -3.5 NY Giants YOUR PICK: NEW YORK GIANTS
    At NY Jets -1.5 New England YOUR PICK: NEW YORK JETS
    At Green Bay -13.5 Minnesota YOUR PICK MINNESOTA

  4. Phil Rommel says:

    1. At San Diego -7 Oakland YOUR PICK: Oakland
    Pittsburgh -3 At Cincinnati YOUR PICK: Pittsburgh
    At Kansas City -3 Denver YOUR PICK: Denver
    Jacksonville -3 At Indianapolis YOUR PICK: Jacksonville
    At Dallas -5.5 Buffalo YOUR PICK: Dallas
    Houston -3 At Tampa Bay YOUR PICK: Houston
    At Carolina -3 Tennessee YOUR PICK: Carolina
    At Miami -3.5 Washington YOUR PICK: Miami
    At Atlanta Pick New Orleans YOUR PICK: Atlanta
    At Chicago -2.5 Detroit YOUR PICK: Detroit
    At Cleveland -3 St. Louis YOUR PICK: St. Louis
    At Philly -14 Arizona YOUR PICK: Philly
    Baltimore -7 At Seattle YOUR PICK: Baltimore
    At San Fran -3.5 NY Giants YOUR PICK: NY Giants
    At NY Jets -1.5 New England YOUR PICK: New England
    At Green Bay -13.5 Minnesota YOUR PICK: Green Bay

  5. Grape says:

    San Diego
    Pittsburgh
    Kansas City
    Jacksonville
    Dallas
    Houston
    Carolina
    Washington
    Atlanta
    Detroit
    St. Louis
    Philadelphia
    Baltimore
    San Francisco
    New England
    Minnesota

  6. Greg says:

    San Diego
    Pittsburgh
    Denver
    Jacksonville
    Buffalo
    Houston
    Carolina
    New Orleans
    Detroit
    St. Louis
    Arizona
    Baltimore
    San Fransisco
    New England
    Green Bay

  7. TommyJ says:

    At San Diego -7 Oakland YOUR PICK: Chargers
    Pittsburgh -3 At Cincinnati YOUR PICK:Steelers
    At Kansas City -3 Denver YOUR PICK: Broncos
    Jacksonville -3 At Indianapolis YOUR PICK: Jaguars
    At Dallas -5.5 Buffalo YOUR PICK:Bills
    Houston -3 At Tampa Bay YOUR PICK:Texans
    At Carolina -3 Tennessee YOUR PICK: Panthers
    At Miami -3.5 Washington YOUR PICK: Dolphins
    At Atlanta Pick New Orleans YOUR PICK: Saints
    At Chicago -2.5 Detroit YOUR PICK: Bears
    At Cleveland -3 St. Louis YOUR PICK: Rams
    At Philly -14 Arizona YOUR PICK: Eagles
    Baltimore -7 At Seattle YOUR PICK:Ravens
    At San Fran -3.5 NY Giants YOUR PICK: Giants
    At NY Jets -1.5 New England YOUR PICK: Patriots
    At Green Bay -13.5 Minnesota YOUR PICK: Vikings

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