Dear Detroit, Get Over Yourselves, You’re Still Cursed . . .

Posted: October 13, 2011 by Kodi in NFL

We all know that Detroit is becoming a force to be reckoned with but seriously? The Lions???

Let’s not forget about the fact that this team ranks 3rd in all-time curses behind the Red Sox and Cubs

Detroit fans need to remember what their franchise has been through and I decided to help them out. . . .

Dear Detroit,

Get over yourselves, you’re still cursed. If you have no clue what I am talking about do yourself a favor and google  the “Bobby Layne Curse”. There you will find out about a hex that has effected this franchise for over 50 years. Detroit however is undefeated through 5 games for the first time since this curse originated and it has some motor city kitties fans thinking this is the year. The Lions look great but let’s not forget about the past.

The franchise is riddled with humiliation. They allowed a kicker on the Saints kick a record setting 63 yard field goal that it still stands today. The Kicker of course was Tom Dempsey who was 5-15 coming into the game and Dempsey and his half foot/half artificial limb made of wood.

They were a part of the lowest Playoff score in NFL history losing to the Dallas Cowboys 5-0 in 1970, yes you read that correctly 5 points to 0. It was their first Playoff appearance since the Bobby Layne era and happened to be 13 years later, there’s no curse here.

RB Billy Simms joined the Lions and in 1980 they won the first four games of the season (after winning just 2 the previous year) and Jimmy “Spiderman” Allen did his own rendition of Queen’s “Another one bites the Dust”. The Lions were off to a hot start but Detroit wasn’t able to shake the curse and missed the Playoffs and now Spiderman Allen is homeless and living under a bridge, no joke.  In 1985 Robbie Martin was arrested after he attacked the home of his ex-wife and her male companion’s corvette. His weapon of choice? A machete. The best part is that nobody was hurt but Martin, who slashed himself and nothing else.

The Lions are so great at judging character that Defensive Coordinator Wayne Fontes was arrested and charged with cocaine possession and drunk driving and Detroit decided to give the man a promotion and made him head coach and would hold that position from 1988-96 becoming one of the Lions most successful coaches with a 67-71 record. Maybe he should throw his Mickey Mouse ears back on because we all know what a great thinking cap it was for him.

The best record the Lions have posted since the Layne era ended was 1992 when they went 12-4 and made it to the NFC Championship game by defeating the Dallas Cowboys, their ONLY playoff victory in over 50 years. Washington had faced Detroit during the first week of the season and beat them 45-0, the second time around showed some improvement with the lions losing 41-10.

The Lions had one of the best RBs in NFL history with Barry Sanders and in 1997 he rushed for 2,053 yards (the only player other than O.J. Simpson at the time), with 14 straight games with 100+ rushing yards. It seemed that he would be a lock for MVP but it just so happened that a writer for the Detroit Free Press decided to vote against Sanders and vote for division rival QB Brett Favre. Sanders and Favre were forced to split the MVP trophy and then Curt Sylvester, the writer, had the audacity to write a column CONDEMNING HIS OWN VOTE!

Sanders must have let the curse get to him because just two years later, on the verge of breaking the all-time rushing record, he RETIRED. Sanders gave his signing bonus back to the team and stated that the Lions were not committed to winning and that he would rather pay back millions of dollars than play for that franchise.

Things went from bad to worse, losing 24 straight road games from 2001-03, 3 whole seasons, but finally broke the streak when they beat the Bears in Soldier Field in 2004. There is a Millen reasons for why the Lions were so terrible. A General Manager who called out an anonymous defensive player for being a “devout coward”, nothing like a little pep talk from the guy in the press box.

Let’s not forget Millens ability to put a team together drafting QB Joey Harrington 3rd overall in ’02, then picking WRs Charles Rogers 2nd in ’03, Roy Williams 7th in ’04 and Mike Williams 10th in ’05. None of those players are currently on Detroit’s roster and some are out of the league. Charlie Rogers is definitely out of the league because he is serving some jail time after passing out at a Mexican restaurant and breaking a sobriety order from a prior offense. Matt Millen was a personnel genius, who had a hankering for evaluating character and drafting great WRs every year in the first round of what seemed like every NFL Draft.

While Millen was drafting WRs he was dropping the productive ones from his team. Johnny Morton caught 77 passes for over 1,100 yards and was let go by Millen, because who needs mediocre production like that? Two years later Morton got his revenge in a 45-17 blowout of the Lions by the Chiefs. Millen confronted Morton in the locker room and Morton told him to “kiss my ass” to which Millen replied “Fuck You, you fucking faggot, yeah you heard me, you faggot”. Later Morton NOT MILLEN released a statement “I apologize for what I said but I never expected anything like that. What he said is demeaning and bigoted”.

The Lions fans finally came together for one cause and they showed up everywhere including Michigan St., Red Wings and Piston games. What were they rallying for? To “Fire Millen” of course! IT got so bad that a radio station organized an Angry Fan March or better known as the Millen Man March where fans came together to protest the Lions organization. Why would they do that when there was so much success? The Lions had a 31-81 record under Millen and it makes me wonder if they were waiting for him to reach the coveted 50 games under .500.

Just to make the curse burn a little more Super Bowl XL, the only SB ever hosted by Detroit, was won by the team Layne was traded to, the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Detroit fans hoped that the Fontes situation would be the only one to affect the general public’s view on the Lions. In 2006 Assistant Coach Joe Cullen pulled into a Wendy’s drive-thru buck naked to order a cheeseburger. He was arrested and you would think the following year Detroit would have offered him the Head Coaching position, but they didn’t, live and learn right?

The most infamous drunk driver in Lions history has to be Reggie Rogers who has been arrested for drunk driving 6 times and is currently spending a year in prison. Tom Lewand learned from the Lions history, he is the President of the Detroit Football team and wanted to follow the foundation set in front of him. Lewand was arrested in 2010 for driving with a BAC nearly triple the legal limit on the way home from a charity golf tournament.

Let’s not forget the unbelievable achievement that just one other team has reached, the coveted 0 win season. The Lions went 0-16 in 2008 and received the 1st overall Draft Pick as a reward, who did they draft? Matt Stafford, who just happened to have played High School Football at Bobby Layne’s alma mater any coincidence there?  Are you still wondering if there’s a curse?

The Lions have played on Thanksgiving every year since 1934 except during World War II. The Lions have currently lost 7 straight Thanksgiving games, making people wonder why the fuck are they still playing on National Television? Great we get to watch whoever is playing Detroit kick their ass; it’s become a national tradition. This year the Lions will be facing the Green Bay Packers; currently both teams are undefeated but are they really comparable?

The Lions are desperate to break the curse, like Monte Clark praying for a 43 yard Field Goal in the Lions first Playoff appearance in over 25 years. He missed and the Lions have yet to shake off the lore of Bobby Lane. Detroit is off to their hottest start in 50 years and Lions fans seemed to have shed their skepticism about the curse and are looking forward to doing things big this year, but are they really that good?

Calvin Johnson, AKA: Megatron has already set records this season but coming into this year he was seen as an underachiever.  Not to say that Megatron isn’t one of the best WRs in the game, because he is, but the fact is that this year he has finally showed his full potential. He hasn’t however accomplished these statistics unscathed because he has been hampered by minor bumps and bruises. He has played just 1 full season in his entire career and at some point these minor injuries may hold him out of a game.

Speaking of injuries, is anybody willing to place any bets on when Matt Stafford comes down with something? It’s not like he’s been this reliable QB who plays through the pain. What he has done in these first 5 games of the season is impressive but it’s a pace he may be unlikely to hold up. He has thrown 13 TDs, the same total as his rookie year (starting 10 games), but the big difference is he has thrown just 4 INTs compared to the 20 he threw in ’09.

In college he threw 33 INTs over 3 seasons and passed for 51 TDs, realistically Stafford makes some risks and he’s going to regress to the mean. He can be the flavor of the month but he needs to prove that he is capable of playing at this level. He has played in 18 games and even with his hot start his career TD/INT ratio is 32/25. Stafford will make mistakes and the Lions don’t have a reliable running game to depend on when that happens.

So Jahvid Best racked up a career high against the Bears in Week 5 racking up 163 rushing yards. He broke free for an 88 yard TD and was untouched by Bears defenders and tallied the other 75 yards on 11 carries. That was a great game, but don’t get used to it. Best had just 128 rushing yards in the previous 3 games and rushed for more than 60 yards just twice in 2010. Racking up rushing yards isn’t Best’s only problem, he doesn’t get into the end-zone. He has just 2 rushing TDs this season and had just 4 in 2010, but he didn’t score a rushing TD from Week 3 through the end of the season. It’s hard to believe at one point Best ran for 5 TDs against the Gophers just a few years ago, big transition between playing in College and the Pros.

The Lions have won 5 games and are in a position they haven’t found themselves in for over 50 years but are they really that good? Yes they are undefeated, but they have had three straight comeback wins, if that’s what you want to call it. Realistically the Lions beat a Buccaneers team that overachieved last season, destroyed a Chiefs team decimated by injuries. Then they took advantage of a Vikings team that didn’t utilize their best player and are playing with an inaccurate statue under Center.

They followed that up with a comeback win in Dallas, but really they should be thanking Tony Romo’s parent for not passing on a clutch gene. Their last win came against the Bears and Chicago is shell of what they were in years past. They have an offensive line that is easily one of the worst in the game and a defense that has gotten old, fast. The Lions could easily be 2-3 but things have fallen in their favor lately but as I’ve shown you, they are cursed.

It is going to be hard for the Lions to break through the curse of Bobby Layne but they are likely going to make to Playoffs for the first time since 1999. The fact is that as hot as Detroit looks right now they are destined to fizzle soon enough. Quit acting like the Lions shit doesn’t stink because it does. They have a great defensive line but have you seen their secondary. Detroit is a good team, not a great team and soon enough they will face a foe that exposes the weaknesses prevalent on this team. For those Lions fans who are true believers I have one final question for you:

What’s the first thing Lions fans will hear when Detroit wins the Super Bowl?

Their alarm clocks. . . BOOM! Roasted! Good day Folks, I’ll be here all week.


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