A Little Cheese With That Whine?

Posted: October 1, 2011 by Kodi in NFL, Pack It Up, Purple Pride

It’s not hard to see how fucking annoying a Packers fan can be. If you need any examples check out some of my latest articles. The douchiness was emitting from me like the stench of a drunk ‘Sconi who had sunbathed in his own piss all afternoon cheering for his team during an outdoor practice. It isn’t hard for anyone to think about how incredibly ridiculous some of their Packers friends can be.

Believe it or not I can see just how terrible the Packers fan base is, even though I am one of them, and somebody just had to say something. Since nobody was able to put me in my place I thought who better to talk shit about Green Bay than a devoted Packers fan. It may be hard for you to understand this but I am not that idiot Packer fan who wrote those articles. Rather I am a football fan with a favorite team and website that I would do anything to get people to read and listen to my elementary ideas and grammar.

Green Bay fans are sitting on top of the world right now, coming off of a Super Bowl victory and currently undefeated in the 2011 season. The problem is like any other team the Packers fans have a history they can’t shed and one they should be embarrassed about when confronted. Green Bay has a fan base that spans the globe but where the hell were those people during the days between the Lombardi and Favre Era’s? Green Bay has a lot of followers, when they’re winning, just like any other team because we all know most fans are bandwagon jumping spineless frauds.

Green Bay is a town with a population of just over 100,000 people which leaves 20,000 bystanders sitting outside of the stadium waiting to get in on game days. If you wanted to punish your family and spent any amount of time in Green Bay you may have taken in some of the great attractions. Check out the Packers Hall of Fame, or take a tour of an empty Lambeau Field, or stroll down the Walk of Legends, or hang yourself from the field goal post in the Don Hutson Center. Seriously what the fuck were these people thinking? Why not set up shop a few miles down the road in North Chicago, I mean Milwaukee?

Green Bay is one of the oldest teams in professional football which makes one wonder why the fuck did they pick such a shitty name? I know about the history of the Acme Packers but that sounds more like a cartoon than reality. We have a G on the side of our helmet, how intimidating? Our fans wear slabs of cheese on top of their heads with pride but c’mon. How fucking pathetic are these people that put on their war paint, throw on a jersey then firmly place a foam cheese slab on their heads and head to the game? The only thing that could make it worse is if we wore purple, at least we have that nice shade of Super Bowl Champion green.

Try to think about Green Bay as a woman on an online dating site, because who would date her if she met you in person lookin’ the way she does, and in her profile she lists her name as Titletown? Titletown is her alter ego, it’s the place of Champions where the city’s police badge bares a SBXLV Champions logo (which is true) and dreams are made. Realistically the town is an over-the-hill has been who just got a facelift, after a boob job in 1996 and her heyday is far beyond yesteryear. Green Bay is unattractive and lives behind their fake identity of being something it used to be but for the time being their fans are drunk, again, and the place looks great.

You might say it looks like a 17 year old babysitter at the end of prom night but Mark Chmura’s already made that mistake. Nothing like a Tight End getting drunk with a bunch of school girls and making his move while his victim’s in the bathroom of all places, is this where Big Ben got his inspiration? Not to say that Packers players are smart, I mean a 75 year old Max McGee thought he was agile enough to blow leaves off of his roof and God knocked him down a peg and off a roof calling him up to the pearly gates.

Don’t forget about the great Najeh Davenport, who crept into a woman’s dorm room at the ass crack of dawn to take a shit in her laundry basket. He said that the “whole thing is a misunderstanding” but there’s not much to think about. The fucking idiot shit on some clothes at least he could have dropped an upper decker or a breakfast burrito (try urban dictionary if you’re confused). Then there’s the great story of Johnny Jolly who just loved his sizzurp, but who doesn’t want to drop a Jolly Rancher into a nice cup of Mountain Dew and liquid Codeine. I guess nothing is more gangster than sippin’ on some sizzurp but I don’t know just how much street cred you need to run the rough streets of Green Bay.

These are the same streets that inhabit Packer backers that reach extremes no other teams fans can touch. Sadly stupid people love to have sex because it’s a mindless activity that takes little effort, the real shame is that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy and stupid people don’t need kids. There was a Packer fan who was voted for Father of the Year in 2008. He had gotten so pissed that his kid refused to wear a Green Bay jersey during their Playoff game against the Seahawks that he duct taped the jersey onto his son and his son into a chair.

We don’t know who’s jersey it was but that is really important when coming to a decision about the severity of this act. The dumbass father was hauled off to jail after his wife, the boy’s mother, called the cops because she realized something didn’t seem right. The District Attorney for the case eventually had to drop the charges because legally a parent can restrain a child and there was no proof of emotional damage. Seriously?

In 2010 some devoted fan was so upset that the Packers lost to the Cardinals in the Wild Card round of the Playoffs that he stabbed his wife in the neck. Shameful. Last but not least the genius who posted an ad on Craigslist attempting to score three tickets to the NFC Championship against the Chicago Bears. How much money did he have to spend? None. He was offering a kick-ass 1995 Toyota Tercel with 127K+ miles on it and all it needed was some new brakes. Why the fuck would anyone ever want to trade this bumbling retard tickets worth a few hundred dollars a piece for his piece of shit beater Toyota Tercel? That’s probably been sitting in his front yard for a good 5 years.

What is even more disgraceful and idiotic are all the so-called fans that immediately turned their back on the greatest QB in their franchise since Bart Starr. Favre was a drama queen, but Packers fans put him to shame when they organized jersey torching ceremonies after his abrupt departure from Green Bay.

Favre haters are ridiculous to me because I don’t understand how people are able to turn their back on the person most responsible for that ’96 tit job Titletown got and restoring an entire towns idea of legacy. Of course he took too long to make his decision on whether to come back and play one more year but was there ever any doubt in anyone’s mind. McCarthy and Thompson threw Brett out of town and it turned out to be the right decision but Packer Nation turning their back on Favre is reprehensible.

These people need to be brought out back and shown a highlight reel of post-Lombardi/pre-Favre Packers highlights. Talk about torture! Water boarding doesn’t have shit on Lynn Dickey and Don Majkowski highlights. No shit Favre wanted to stick it to the Packers organization after being treated that way who could blame him. It’s not his fault he was embraced by a bunch of mindless Cheeseheads.

The torch was passed on to Aaron Rodgers who restored Titletown back to its glory and achieving things Favre never did. But lets get it straight. Rodgers hasn’t broken Favre’s legacy yet. Rodgers is this cocky kid from California who clearly think’s his shit doesn’t stink but it does. He comes off as arrogant and egotistical but Packers fans would never say such a thing about the face of their franchise. He doesn’t seem to like Tony Kornheiser or Ron Jaworski ripping both of them for their stupid questions.

“I don’t feel I need to sell myself to the fans. . . They need to get on board now or keep their mouths shut” pretty much sums it all up right there doesn’t it, welcome to Mr. Rodgers neighborhood – bitch!

The arrogance hasn’t dissipated one bit from Mr. Rodgers snapping back at reporters earlier this season. He wasn’t appreciative that some journalists questioned his off-season workouts or lack thereof and Rodgers was happy to rub it in their faces after winning their first game. Rodgers and Packers fans are a little too confident and are setting themselves up for an epic letdown.

Packer ranters are already speculating whether or not Green Bay can go 16-0 and that thought is ludicrous. That’s like talking about a pitcher throwing a perfect game after getting through 1 2/3rds innings. The Packers are not going to go undefeated this season and probably not ever, put the Packer crack pipe down and try to contemplate some realistic expectations.

I am able to recognize these faults and some Packers fans might say that I’m a douche bag for some of the things I said but I would argue that they’re the ones with a problem. It is difficult to look at your own faults or the faults of a group you associate with but if you are able to achieve such a feat you’re a step ahead. How are you ever going to lose an argument if you know your own faults better than your rival? Now be a pal and go “like” my Facebook page so dickwads like Mike L cant bash on the size of my followers.

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